Today I will share 3 moments that I believe in 100%. I practice these in my own life and I believe that they will help us change our family circumstances towards a positive and good side. I will start by saying that everything begins with the foundation that was laid out in the beginning of the family. Some people come to the church desiring to see the consequences and the leftovers of their previous family lifestyle instantly disappear. Sadly, I must tell you all that things do not work like that. But there still is good news that we have a promise and every family has hope. It does not matter how your family began whether you grew up in a Christian family and married from there or you lived with someone for 15 years outside of marriage. Let me repeat it one more time: "It does not matter what kind of past you had, every family has hope!"
I would like to lead you through a wonderful scripture: Genesis 1:27-28. Everyone who has ever opened and read the Bible knows how God created a man and a woman. He created them in His image and in likeness He made them. I would like for you to pay attention to first part of the verse 28: "Then God blessed them." Do you hear it? God blessed the family and this is God's plan from the very beginning, He wanted this from the beginning, and it is His will! Nowadays some people walk out on God's truth and believe that they have to arrange things on their own and God doesn't care about their family matters. But I would like to share with a revelation that always gives me more confidence to come to His throne in prayer for my family. You must undertand that God is interested in blessing your family.
Unfortunately, the modern family begins with a contract, not a covenant. This is a fact, not just something that is happening in Hollywood. It is a reality that in todays time, young people, even in our churches, get married for the person's physical qualities and material belongings that the other person has. So in other words, what they like in their spouse, by principle they are saying: "I like your beauty and I like your money." During their marriage, people may not be thinking about an outright contract but subconsciously they are doing just that. You may know how it all happens: a young lady might be thinking about how "oh he is so sweet and good looking," or "He earns a good amount of money so I will always be taken care of... maybe..." And the young lady is not even interested in what plans the young man has for life! For example, what if he is dreaming about starting a farm but since she was a little child could not stand the pigs and cows. Or the young man is saying: "I'm telling you: 'Oh man, she is off the hook! No other guy has a girl like her and all the other guys will be so jealous of me!'" And as time passes he sees that her waist is growing because she is pregnant and she does not look as great anymore. I once counseled a married couple and the husband was telling his wife: "I will love you equal to the amount that you will respect me. If you honor me - I will love you, and if you don't then do not get disappointed if I do no love you." Or the wife will say something like this: "Well when you start to bring five thousand dollars home will I begin to respect you," or "when you will diet and look better then I will love you." What do you think, will this marriage last as a happy family? I personally do not think so. Marriage is not meant for good to be just for the husband, nor is it a place of good just for the wife. Do you understand what I am talking about? Marriage is a place of good for both parties! A marriage of covenant is unconditional love; it is unconditional respect. No matter how the circumstances change, we are still faithful to the covenant.
A perfect example of this is Jesus Christ. We have given Him so many promises in those moments of being in His presence and then we just forget those promises. But Jesus keeps on loving us just the same because of His covenant with us. He doesn't come to the church and start pounding on the pulpit saying: "How could you be so unfaithful to the promises you made?! That's it, I don't love you anymore!" No, He gives us unconditional love. This is the ideal example of what a woman, of any age, needs; unconditional love. The moment a woman feels that the only reason she is loved is for her body, beauty, abilities, or even for the delicious pilaf she makes, she stops feeling happy and protected. She begins to think that the moment her beauty fades she will no longer be loved and what will happen to her? It seems as if the husband does everything he can to make sure that their wife is happy but she just ends up locking herself in the bathroom and cries! Has anyone ever noticed this? This is the reaction of woman deprived of unconditional love and this, dear men, means that you use wrong methods with her.
On the other hand, we must understand that any and every man is in need of unconditional respect. I will reveal to you all a truth: a man prefers to be respected rather than loved. The natural reaction of a man deprived of respect is anger. So no matter how terrible this truth is, if a man is not respected he leaves the family because his pride does not allow him to be put down and emasculated. We as wives sometimes think: "What did I say? I just asked him when will he go get an education or do something that will help him earn more finances. This is a normal womanly question. Why is he getting angry?" I will answer you right now: "Your husband does not feel respected as the head of your family!" And I really suggest that you analyze how you treat your husband.
I have always seen a worthy example of honor and respect in my family. My mom, even though she had an excellent education, she never allowed herself to become exalted higher than my dad. My dad always knew that he was the head of the household because no matter what, whether it was in public or alone with him, my mom always placed her husband above herself and he always felt honored and respected in his family. When I got married the first two years I lived like I was paradise. I looked at my husband like he was an angel in the flesh that descended from heaven but how I looked at myself as someone unworthy of having him. We had paradise in our home until we went on a mission trip. There I ended up in the surrounding of women and young ladies who's attitude toward their husbands was the complete opposite of how I knew to treat my husband. There was absolutely no trace of honor or respect. All of you already know this truth that whatever our surrounding is, it will influence us. This is why it is important to pick whom to fellowship with. So the make this story short, I will tell you all that this seed of dishonor and disrespect began to work fast in me and I began to ask my husband many unnecessary questions, express my dissatisfaction, and my opinions that were different from his. So came the moment when my angel raised his voice and said: "Who on earth have you been spending time with? You are not the girl I married!" and suddenly I came to my senses and remembered that I am not doing things right. So I began to repent for my previous behavior. And it was in this particular moment of humility and repentance in my life that God was placing inside of me the foundation of honor and respect for the rest of my life. Dear ladies, I have seen that so many times in the first times of our marriage we say: "He is the best in the whole wide world!" But years pass, we look around and see that there other men around who are better; they are more successful, more talented, and more spiritual. And just like Eve, our eyes "open." I do not think I have to tell you how many things this ends up leading to. And all this happens because of our womanly faults.
Unconditional respect towards the husband and unconditional love towards the wife is the only biblically right foundation of a strong and happy family. If you will build upon this foundation then success is inevitable. This will not happen in one moment because to build means to go through a process. But if you will stock up on patience and will begin to take action then God's principles will stay strong and will always work in your life. Begin toi build today. First of all, begin to watch what you say to each other and what kind of names you call each other.
Three years we were at conference in Columbia and Pastor Claudia made a bold and risky act right in front of my eyes. It was their 30 year anniversary and she said to her husband: "Cesar, we have lived together with you for 30 years and you married me I was still a young girl. I want to make you a happy man and so I ask you to please write me in a letter what I must change in order to make you happy." I thought to myself: "Claudia, do you even realize what you are asking? Are you ready to hear what he will write?" And when pastor Cesar brought his wife to the stage, sat her down at this conference with thousands of people in the audience and he said: "My dear, I would like to read to you, in front of everyone, about your changes." I'm looking at pastor Claudia as she turns read and I begin to worry about her. I'm hoping that she will not be embarrassed in front of the whole world! Pastor Cesar opened the letter and began to read out loud in the silent room: "Dear, today I want to confess to you that in the 30 years that we have lived together, I have not found a single thing that may lack in you!" All the women in the room began to laugh in unity. Why do you think that was their reaction? What do I want to show with this example? Because every woman knows exactly what things she lacks but she never wants to hear about them.
Men your wife is a sensible woman. On a daily basis she looks in the mirror and knows perfectly well what she cannot do and how she looks. But pay attention to what way pastor Cesar picked. He read his letter where it said that all these years her support and this example influenced their children, that without her their family would have fallen apart a long time ago, and that to this day she awakens and excites his most youthful feelings for her. He read all this in front of the whole thousand people congregation and this resulted in everyone talking only about this one letter. Later on I asked pastor Claudia how she felt after this letter and she answered me: "Oh, Cesar encouraged me so much! I understood how much more I lack in and what I have to seriously change in!" Men begin to tell your wives that they look amazing and she will dig through her whole closet, pull out her best outfit, go through all the shopping centers, will run through all the beauty salons, and she go the gym to "sweat out all unnecessary things." Tell her that she cooks wonderfully and she will go to all her friends to find the best recipes, will go buy the best products, and will cook you something so good that you've never tried anywhere else. This will be her thankfulness to you for treating her that way. Please tell your lady warm and sweet words because they cause her to change for the better. However, if you begin to reproach her and point out her flaws, the result will be the exact opposite of what you want it to be. Wives tell your husbands that you believe in them, that you see your man successful, rich, that you find silence and peace with him, how much you value the time you spend with him, and you will see how your husband will desire to surprise you with pleasant surprises. And sooner or later he will find a way to get better finances and will reach bigger successes!
And the last but very important point: Pay attention to how you call your spouse. What name you give them. Very often you can find that the husband calls his wife "mom" or "mama" in front of their children. Men! Only your children should call your wife "mom," not you! It sometimes happens that you see a woman on high heels with nice legs and you look at her with your eyes, but next to you is your wife who has better legs and prettier heels... And this you do not see! Why? Because to you she is not a beautiful lady or woman, but she is a "mom!" You even treat her like a mom! Or a woman will call her husband "my man" as if he does not have a name. One woman was telling me a story and she says: "I'm looking and here comes my man in these huge boots!" I'm not exaggerating here at all. What kind of happiness can be expected in this type of family? Look at how you have your spouse saved in your phone book. Begin changing the way you call them by changing their name in the phone book to "beloved," "sweetheart," or "princess." You will see results, believe me. By building your family on the foundation of love and respect, you will come to the inevitable happiness and you will bring your family to paradise. What is paradise? It is a place where two people lived, united in the blessings of God in their family. I strongly believe that we are created by the Creator for happiness and not for tears or anger. Amen.
Pastor Olga Muzichuk
* Cesar and Cludia Castellanos, carry the pastor's ministry in Bogota, Columbia, and they are the founders and leaders of the world movement of the G12 vision. Pastor Victor and Olga Muzichuk are one of the 12 disciples in the net of the Castellanos and they are honor them as their pastors.